2019-11-04
00:00
there’s like this huge pressure right
00:01
for bottom’s to always be super clean
00:03
super immaculate Oh bottoms always gotta
00:05
be clean but then the top will come and
00:07
like offer you some cheesy as no homey
00:09
ain’t nobody trying to have no coat
00:10
these are flavored okay keep that
00:13
mozzarella to yourself and that’s where
00:15
I come in hey guys my name is Anthony
00:22
I’m a designer and I’m Puerto Rican hey
00:23
guys my name is Joaquin I’m a community
00:25
organizer and I’m a brown boy I’m
00:27
Christian I’m an underwriter for an auto
00:29
finance company and a Mexican and so now
00:31
we’re gonna get into the fun
00:32
conversation everybody identifying and
00:35
positions and everything I identify as
00:37
mostly now in my relationship has a
00:40
bottom but I also verse I feel
00:42
empowerment in both spectrums in my
00:43
relationship that I was in for four
00:45
years I bought him too mostly believing
00:47
the relationship I wanted to feel this
00:49
type of empowerment and I found that
00:50
within topping obviously I’m playing
00:52
into fluidity and being versed but I
00:54
think I’m leaning more towards being a
00:56
top identify as a top I can honestly say
00:58
that I tried you know bottoming it
01:00
wasn’t comfortable for me I just didn’t
01:01
enjoy it above all as much as you think
01:03
something’s gonna come out it’s not I
01:05
mean it’s pretty in that’s pretty in
01:10
there cuz you know that also plays a
01:12
role in to you know comfort this is
01:14
bubblegum flavored
01:16
I just grab a little bit weight this
01:19
sucks okay don’t eat it all because that
01:21
was my problem put it on your lips and
01:23
you grow up circular motions it’s edible
01:25
and then a hey sailor gets these lips
01:27
exfoliate it for you how do they look I
01:31
mean I think as a top honestly I will
01:33
say that there is a lot of times when we
01:35
can be really inconsiderate it’s like
01:36
you know if it’s a lot more sporadic and
01:37
it’s just flows and it happens and you
01:39
don’t know that your partner’s in the
01:41
bathroom douching and it is a little bit
01:42
of a mental thing so let’s talk about
01:44
toxic top skin and any I think that
01:47
there’s this feeling of entitlement and
01:49
privilege that comes with being a top
01:51
something’s has negative connotations or
01:53
has negative like effects on community i
01:56
as a louse which is a term that nobody
01:59
ever really talks about just being a
02:00
feminine top in the day like you have to
02:03
be who you want to be it’s not easy for
02:05
example you know I’m again I’m tall you
02:08
know a top supposed to be masculine I
02:10
just got to an age where I’m like you
02:12
know
02:12
like I just got be comfortable with
02:13
myself yeah I feminine every now and
02:15
then or you know whatever or something
02:17
comes out then it is what it is for a
02:18
couple years it was kind of like you
02:19
know what like I gotta get it together I
02:20
gotta like that certain way I gotta like
02:22
present myself a certain way there’s a
02:23
lot of pressure to like perform and you
02:25
have to like figure out all these
02:26
different ways to make them feel like
02:28
this whole experience was the best
02:29
experience they ever had exactly so what
02:36
I use honestly it’s all-inclusive like
02:39
three in one lotion Riaan one is the
02:42
most tough thing I’ve ever little bit
02:46
and it’s a little on the muscular side
02:47
which I like it smells like a whole man
02:49
also all this is a vacation is just
02:51
giving me ideas as queer gay men we tend
02:56
to shame bottoming more than we do tops
02:58
right for my experience I think it goes
03:00
back to like this culture of machismo
03:02
where femininity is seen less than and I
03:05
think as bottoms we experience that me
03:07
being smaller and let me know it’s like
03:09
a huge thing because I always get
03:10
stereotyped right into that obviously
03:12
being shorter and I know that might be a
03:14
little just psychological you feel
03:15
already smaller than most people that
03:18
you’re around the last thing I need to
03:19
feel like is that I’m anything less than
03:21
what I will say that as a you know as a
03:23
top
03:24
I just appreciate when someone knows our
03:25
plays they’re comfortable with who they
03:27
are just in general the confidence of it
03:29
just I appreciate that I think it’s
03:30
really about empowering ourselves and
03:32
just knowing like what do you like then
03:33
being able to enjoy your sex life when
03:35
it comes to it so my holy grail is
03:38
lactic acid okay you’re gonna just grab
03:39
this you’re gonna dab this into your
03:41
skin you never like really drag your
03:43
skin you want to like always try to dab
03:44
in again as a top I did not know that
03:47
when you went to top school and you
03:49
graduated they didn’t grab you it wasn’t
03:51
in your handbook so I completely
03:52
understand why you know I kind of
03:55
weirdly enough I’m a little pale so I
03:57
put a little bit of healthy color in my
03:58
skin what I do is I just grab it and i
04:00
dab it like this and then I end up just
04:02
like putting it on the cheek like that
04:04
this looks great on you
04:06
right I’m ready how does that look like
04:11
a little Mexican geisha as bottoms we
04:16
really have to be able to communicate
04:18
probably one of the things that we
04:19
struggle more as a community because of
04:21
the than the hardships I think that we
04:23
go through communication is not always
04:25
our best thing as a top then it’s like
04:27
well what am I doing wrong am I not
04:28
performing you know you have to be
04:29
honest yeah you know and that’s where
04:31
conversation you know is key a
04:33
regardless of how you identify er was
04:35
really about coming up with a game time
04:37
when it comes to your sex around
04:38
pleasure
04:39
yeah safety consent consent and since
04:42
then is the biggest thing right consent
04:44
is sexy also you can be a femme top it’s
04:47
okay everywhere do it in bed right at
04:49
home get in the mall do everyone if
04:51
you’re the top and you want to figure
04:53
out love divine and you love drag queens
04:55
and you love you know anything feminine
04:57
it’s okay like fuck it who cares so I
04:59
could be on top and still be a west
05:01
coast gangsta
05:03
[Music]
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The post 2 Bears 1 Otter Talk Identity, Masculinity, and Bottom Shaming appeared first on The Good Men Project.
#InclusiveMasculinity #Bits&Pieces #SexualShaming #GenderIdentity #LGBTQCommunity
